Some days, my mailbox overflows with hilarity…like today. I got the new Roy Zimmerman CD! You should, too! It'll cheer any liberal to realize that you aren't alone, and you've got a theme song.

But I also get other mail that's almost as funny, although not intentionally so. For some perverse reason, there are some of you readers out there who think you are making a statement and causing me grief by signing me up for conservative magazines and newsletters. You really shouldn't. You know what happens? It comes in the mail, I flip through it, I laugh, and I toss it in the trash. Then when the phone call comes later, dunning me to pay for their magazine, I tell them that I don't read it and I didn't order it, and they get to eat the cost…and I laugh again. All you're doing is contributing to the local landfill and hurting my mailman's back, and that isn't nice.

But you're a conservative, so what the hell do you care.

Anyway, so far today I've received:

• Assurances from a wattled, snake-eyed Newt Gingrich that Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana is the great future hope of American Conservatism.

• An advertisement from Human Events telling me that my lungs are dying and I have to stop exercising (it's bad for you!) and buy their supplements.

• Ann Coulter tries to sell me stock tips better than the Marxist tripe the Wall Street executives are peddling.

The Zimmerman CD had some real competition on the humor side, but wins in the talent department.